Alternate title: This is what happens when I try to take a shower with conscious children in the house
Scene: A haggard, bedraggled woman -- let’s call her Heather -- is taking a shower after a morning full of doing her children’s bidding. She is clearly happy to be alone for the first time that day. After approximately 60 seconds of quiet, a seven-year-old girl -- let’s call her Kaylee -- bursts into the bathroom.
KAYLEE: Mommy! How many hours until my birthday party?
HEATHER: (Sighs.) I don’t know, sweetie. I don’t have a clock in here.
KAYLEE: Ok. When you get out can you tell me how many hours?
HEATHER: Sure.
KAYLEE: I have to go potty.
HEATHER: Ok.
(Toilet flushes. HEATHER grimaces as water changes temperature.)
KAYLEE: There was a piece of toilet paper in there. Now I’m going to go potty.
HEATHER: Ok.
KAYLEE, as she is doing her business: Can you learn how to make a braid bun? I really want to have a braid bun because they’re so pretty. I think you make a braid and put it in a bun. I’ve been playing Minecraft on Daddy’s computer. I tried to play it on your computer but it wasn’t working, so now I’m playing it on Daddy’s computer. I can’t wait until my birthday party because Keira’s going to be there. I’ll probably say hi to the other kids, but I’ll mostly play with Keira. I love going to Chuck E. Cheese. I hope I get to see Chuck E. I hope I get to get tickets from that wind machine thing. I wonder why Minecraft isn’t working on your computer.
(Toilet flushes again. Heather grimaces again.)
KAYLEE: Mama! The toilet’s clogged!
HEATHER, sighing: Ok. Just leave it. I’ll take care of it.
KAYLEE: Ok!
(KAYLEE runs out of the room, turning off the lights as she goes. The curtain closes as HEATHER sighs again, in the dark.)
THE END.
